Man, it’s been ages since I graced my own blog with a new post. D: A lot of crap has been going on in the last cluster of weeks. Finals are here soon, and I’m completely unprepared. Not to mention having work on top of that, so I literally have no time to myself. Part of me just wants to crawl into a hole and ignore the world. There’s been just enough stresses to put me at the edge of that ledge. When I look down from this ledge I see an even worse alternative to the demons lurking behind me. Either of these options seem right now to just be this massive rut that I can’t get out of. Already, I’m incredibly stressed out about my work situation, but hey, at least I’m working right now when there are still many who aren’t. And yes, I have done little to no studying, so I’m very afraid I’m going to fail. Not to mention all the amazing relationship circumstances I’ve dug myself into. I thought I had finally gotten myself out of a shitty situation by breaking up with my boyfriend at the time, but he’s like this little child that thinks he’s helping by clinging on to me. I don’t hate the man, but I do have my limits in terms of how “okay” I am with being continually bothered every day just to “talk”. He acts so afraid of losing me, but in fact, he’s pissing me off more by being so clingy. I’m not fucking going anywhere and he needs to learn that. He also needs to learn that I don’t intend to take him back. I have my reasons. So there’s more stress as you can see.
Besides that, it seems like every time I meet someone new, I’m destined for failure. Even though I made my mind up about being done with this silly notion of “love” and “affection”, nothing has improved. Every guy I met has either been a complete fucking douche, or purer than the driven snow. So not only can this single female get a chance, but I get shut down when I do. Is it really much harder for a female than a man out there? XD I know this summer is going to drag on/be quite lame (and is going to make me wish I took Summer term classes), but I just need some time to myself, I think. I’m going to take these next three months to try and beat back those demons. Who knows, maybe something good will come out of it?